From Avoidance to Intentional Meetings… one meeting at a time
Let’s continue in the series of exploring the seven steps to …
STRUCTURED, COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS.
Intentional planning conversations
In Steps 3 and 4 of the Discovery process, we present the strengths, opportunities and pressure points in your Family, Business and Ownership systems. This presentation generally occurs by bringing key members of your family business together. Most people would rather visit the dentist, than plan a formal meeting!
It is often the thought of holding a meeting with your family business members that creates the anxiety and temptations to avoid. These thoughts are costing family businesses and their communities significantly. It doesn’t have to be this way!
The use of the word “intentional” is well, intentional here. It doesn’t happen by chance, or if /when we feel like, or if you sense the time is right or the moods, emotional states are right. Here are a few attributes of what this look like in practice:
Mindset. “Mindset is the first thing that matters and the last thing most people work on” (Shane Parrish). Mindset is what shapes behaviour and is made up of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. To shape a group’s behaviour in a meeting, we must learn each person’s mindset / attitude and expectations they begin with
Human capacities: Mentioned in the first article in this series: curiosity, compassion, empathy, honesty, be present, restraint (pausing between thoughts, emotions, actions)
Use Brainwriting VS Brainstorming: Generate ideas separately. Regroup to evaluate, discuss
Safety: There is a corporate phrase used often: ‘psychological safety. Forget that. Instead, have a look at the chart below.
When you have it
Context is king. How is everyone showing up?
Get everyone’s voices in the room EARLY
Agenda sent in advance – everyone has chance for input
Context and chance for input informs process and content
Defined process to engage everyone in the room with chance to gather ideas independently, then as a group
No surprises. Be clear on the purpose of the meeting and any decisions to be made.
Meeting begins by setting ‘ground rules’
Everyone feels respected, heard since everyone is practicing their human capacities
Time given to prepare ahead
Be flexible, ready to adapt, shift as needed, as emotions surface
Be clear on who has a VOICE, and/or a VOTE
Meeting wraps up with round the room on ‘what went well’, what can we improve, etc. It’s clear who will be summarizing the takeaways, next steps. Next meeting date is discussed
The group wants to meet again
When you don’t
Certain people dominate the conversation
People are not willing to ‘rock the boat’
People keep ideas to themselves
There is a power imbalance
No mechanism for any member in the room to adjust, pause if their emotions are getting the best of them
No ground rules, boundaries or they are not respected
Meeting is rushed. Many items are crammed into one meeting
The group has no intentions of meeting again
Action # 1: Recall recent experiences you’ve had with meetings in general. What attributes do you feel led to successful, productive ones? Now, recall a meeting that went off the rails. What happened? What lessons did you / the team learn? What was your role? When that same group gathered for another meeting, what changed?
Power imbalances
This one deserves special attention. The person with the power generally has good intentions, to care for, to protect family members. They are often blinded by the effects.
What holders of power may not realize is that as adult children or siblings in a business, there comes a time that the group must co-create new methods, strategies for caring for, and protecting each family member, the family as a whole and the business. It is at this realization that power shifts.
An imbalance that doesn’t shift, even slowly through a series of meetings is detrimental to relationships and the meeting outcomes. Slowly, then all of a sudden, your Familiness Advantage we discussed earlier crumbles.
When a meeting is designed with thought, with intention, power imbalance naturally surface, and their harmful effects can be mentioned by those impacted. Often, it is the person holding the power that can have an ‘ah ha’ moment and adjust, shift themselves in the moment. When we can name the emotions, the power imbalances, the effects, emotions stabilize and members can feel a bit ‘safer’, ever so slightly. People feeling a bit more optimistic about the process and their contributions.
The second meeting
In the next article, we will discuss the contents of the second meeting and continue with the process. This meeting recaps the discoveries shared in Mtg # 1 and provides ample opportunity to share insights, reflections and questions. The group then creates and reviews a few strategies that will help move through some of the noted challenges.
Intentional planning meetings provides …
CLARITY where AGENCY, COURAGE and OPTIONS surface and you build the FUTURE you want and reduce your FEARS.