In this series, I explore how many family business complexities become simpler when the family intentionally builds one essential capability - individually and together. Here it is ....

Structured, Courageous Conversations. One meeting at a time.

Do these conversations occur regularly in your family business? How do you know for sure? Do other members of your family also believe this? Have you asked them recently? What’s stopping you from asking them?

An alarming stat tells me these types of conversations ARE NOT happening.

76% of small and medium business owners are set to exit their business over the next 10 years. Fewer than 10% have any plan whatsoever.

(CFIB “Succession Tsunami: Preparing for a decade of small business transitions in Canada. January 2023).

In the previous article, we discussed the human capacity-building blocks required to hold intentional conversations. These are the very capacities that many would agree are declining among our families, organizations and communities. What is replacing these are social anxiety and isolation, polarization (political or otherwise) and a “ME vs WE” mindset and culture.

This is a crisis that is not discussed often enough or with urgency. Instead, businesses are changing hands. Many family businesses with long established roots in the communities they serve are selling to owners outside of the community or simply closing. Ownership Matters.

It’s my mission to change this – one meeting at a time.

The human capacities I outlined were:

1. Genuine dialogue - be curious, compassionate, honest, present with others
2. Reflection - be curious, compassionate, honest, present ... with YOURSELF
3. Putting people first - seek to understand, be open to inviting another perspective

After reflecting further, I’ve added a fourth one:

4. Restraint – placing a pause between our thoughts, emotions and our actions when engaging with others – especially family members

I then explored what REFLECTION looks like in practice for busy family business owners by going through a few examples from recent clients. This is the foundation and is 100% non-negotiable. If you feel you don’t have much time for this and are not comfortable with this … have no fear, you are not alone.

Action # 1: What are your experiences of leading with curiosity and compassion … with others … with yourself? Does it feel uncomfortable to pause before responding to your thoughts and emotions (professionally and personally)? What habits have you built in these areas – which ones would you like to Start, Stop, Continue (please ask me about my SSC tool).

Structured, courageous conversations. One meeting at a time

Before expanding on the other three points above, let’s look at the entire process to create this environment. Effective conversations are within reach for your family business, no matter where you might be at. They don’t happen by chance.

1. Set the foundation: Reflect. Lead with compassion (self, others). Be curious. Be present

2. Be aware of the systems you operate in. This is first step of ANY change

3. Get to know each member of your family business system. Their strengths, opportunities, skills that energizes, skills that drain, their relationship with money, their hopes, dreams and fears about the future?

4. Get to know your family business. What is the purpose & values that you are known for, stand for? What is its legacy you wish to protect, while you and your team invest and innovate?

5. Begin a journey to seek clarity. Clarity creates AGENCY. Clarity creates COURAGE. Clarity creates OPTIONS to build the FUTURE you want and reduce your FEARS.

6. Build upon what you are already doing. You just might be further along than you think!

7. Build psychological capital. Hope, Efficacy, Resilience, Optimism (HERO) are NOT traits but rather skills to practice and reinforce

8. Make structure and a bit of formality your friend

9. Reflect. Learn. Reflect. Apply. Repeat.

Adapted from the Three Circle Model: Renato Tagiuri and John Davis at Harvard Business School (HBS - 1978).

Step 2: Family business systems – Current State. Future State

When working with family businesses, I am amazed that many have never seen the above image before. Did you see the date it was created – 1978!! It’s been widely written about and documented. Yet, many haven’t seen it or thought about a “current” state or “future” state.

You see, it is the movement among the circles that causes the major friction points. Often, it’s the sudden, unplanned, uncommunicated movements.

Place yourself (likely in the middle of this complex system) and each member of your family business. Do you have ideas about a “future” state? Does each member? How do you know for sure? I will make one comment for the purposes of this article – next to building the foundation presented in the previous article, awareness of this system is your next step to holding intentional conversations. It is also 100% non-negotiable for family businesses.

Action # 2: If you only have one take away here, please draw out two sets of 3 circles in a Venn diagram like this. Label one as “Current” and another one as “Future”. Begin placing names from your system – including all family members and key leaders (family and non-family). I have a template for you to use, if you would like – just reach out using my contact form.

Action # 3: Have a look at the 9-step process above. Can you visualize what these steps might look like for your family business? Which step(s) do you feel you would have the most ease in moving through? Why do you say this? Which step(s) do you feel would be the most difficult? Why? Do you notice certain uncomfortable thoughts and emotions that surface when you think about certain steps in this process?

Action # 4: Until you explore some of the uncomfortable thoughts that arose for you in Action # 3, it will be difficult for you to make much progress. Take your time, be patient and curious.

What is on the other side of your discomfort? Here are a few things that come to mind … but I would love to hear yours. Reach out via the Contact form to schedule a chat!

Your legacy. Your family’s legacy?
Documented clear continuity plan for your business?
Strong family relationships and continuing family traditions?
Confident, strong next gen leaders who are ready to hold the legacy of your business while also embracing innovation and all its opportunities?
Clarity about your family business system’s “future state”?
Structured, Courageous, Conversations that occur regularly?

During the next article, we will continue working through the process and will circle back on the foundational work (step 1). Stay tuned!

Legacy in Motion. It’s not inherited. It’s practiced.

Effective Shareholder Agreements